The best $20 I ever spent.

I didn't even know what The Open was until maybe early February.  JR was tweeting about it.  I did some digging and realized that it was basically a virtual CrossFit competition "open" to anyone.  I wondered who from our gym would register.  Then I mentioned it to JR.  He said I should register.  That's all I needed to hear.  I needed someone who knew about it to encourage me and basically confirm for me that it was something I could and should be a part of.  Thanks JR!  I really had no idea what I was getting into, but I knew it would be fun and I would hopefully learn a thing or 2.

I was disappointed that I had to watch the first workout announcement alone. I was really hoping the gym would have a party or something!  But on my couch, with my laptop - became my position each Thursday night at 8pm.  I texted Lauren non-stop during the first announcement, and pretty much during the other 4 announcements, too!  

I was pretty bummed that each of the early weeks there was something I wasn't very good at.  Double unders held me back in week 1.  I bought a new jump rope the following day.  Week 2 were those darned chest to bar pull-ups.  I still can't do one - but I'm so close!  Week 3 was a nice surprise.  Deadlifts and box jumps - 2 things I could do!  And I got 6 reps into a weight that was heavier than my 1 rep max from a few months prior.  I fell short of my goal in Week 4 - really wanted to get to those cleans.  It was my slow row that did me in.  And let's just say I do't have the best aim with my wall balls.  But I did get through those toes to bar that I had only gotten a few days prior.  I considered repeating 14.4 but realized that my score wasn't nearly as important as what I was learning about my strengths and weaknesses.  Week 5 was my most stressful workout - having to complete it on the road as a drop-in at another box.  But it turned into my BEST workout in terms of execution and placement.  And luckily,  it consisted of 2 movements I can actually do, and I actually like thrusters. Burpees, well who likes those anyway?

I did all my open workouts on Friday mornings.  I became the unofficial guinea pig for my friends doing it after me - allowing them to learn from my experience, and have a goal to shoot for.  I really enjoyed playing that role.  I got to "coach" others with my tips and recommendations after having gone through the workouts.  I also really enjoyed coming in at other times to cheer everyone else on and take pictures.  Such a great experience.  I'm so proud and blessed to be a part of this great community!

I have SO MANY things to work on.  I feel more focused than ever and I cannot wait for 15.1!!!

My Dewey

He slept in his usual spot last night - at the top of the stairs up against the wall, on his back.  I must have checked on him a thousand times.  As I sit and write this now, he is right by my side.  He knows I know,  and all he is trying to do is comfort me and all I am trying to do is comfort him.  I love to stroke his velvety belly, freshly shaved from the ultrasound that sealed his fate.  When I stop petting, he gives me the nudge - his nose to my hand.  He doesn't want me to stop.  I cry.  He just stares at me.  I cry some more. He must be so tired and so hungry.

All he can "eat" is peanut butter.  I give him a finger full every few hours.  The tumor is blocking the path from his stomach to his small intestines.  Almost nothing can get through.  I can't bring myself to give him his meds this morning.  The pills don't go down easily, and he clenches his jaw when I try to pry it open.  No more today.  Only peanut butter licks.

Few things perk him up now.  The crinkle of a food wrapper will get his attention for a moment, but he won't move to investigate further.  He only moves if I move.  And I don't want to make him move, so I've been trying to sit still.  His eyes light up if I ask "Where's the kitty?"  But he doesn't patrol the house to find the kitty anymore.  He just looks around checks to see if I move, then drops his head back to the ground.

I reached out to Dewey's breeder last night to give her the news.  I was surprised to hear that 1 of his 11 litter mates just died a few months ago of lymphoma.  And his mother, Valy, died of lymphoma at age 7. Dewey just turned 8.  He looked just like his mother.  His dad, Obi, lived to be 13.  We declined any further diagnostics on the tumor to spare him the procedures that would likely be painful and uncomfortable and have little or no upside as his prognosis even with the most aggressive treatment was likely a year or less.  And since he can't eat, he would have to be on supportive care in other day or so.  Also his tumor looked like it was starting to ulcerate, which means he's at a risk for perforation, hemorrhage, and possibly a very sudden and painful death.  Not on my watch.

Today is his last day with us.  I wanted him to have one last "normal" day.  I didn't want his last day to be 7 hours away from home, 2 very long car rides (he hates the car) and strange sounds, smells, dogs and the like.  So Dash will get to torture him for one more day.  The kids and I will just snuggle with him all day.  He'll get to sit in the snow and cool off his belly for one more day.  Maybe he'll even bark at the mailman. I'm so grateful to have this day to say goodbye.  I realize many don't get this opportunity.  Today is just as much for me as it is for him.  I hope he doesn't suffer too much in the few hours he has left.

I have never witnessed the euthanasia of any of my pets before.  I have had several "put down"  Cats and dogs.  I will be there holding his giant paw later today, stroking his velvety belly, kissing his cheek.  He's done so much for me and my family.  It's the least I can do for him.

We love you Dewey.  You'll find your kitty up there.  I promise.

You Can't Outrun Your Fork

I've been SO dedicated to exercise for the last 4 months, it's almost hard to believe.  I have been going to my CrossFit gym religiously 4-6x per week and working my ass off.  Not literally.  Ironically so, my ass is a little bit bigger than when I started if that's possible. But it's actually muscular, not flabby.  So much so that most of my jeans don't fit anymore.  They are loose in the waist (score!) and tight in the butt and thigh (those darn muscles again!)  I have made jean shopping a bit of a sport now. My mission? Find the perfect jean to fit a CrossFitter's body.  That's right - I'm a CrossFitter. Anyway, I'm getting way off track.  This post is about eating.

While I have been annoying most my Facebook friends with inspirational quotes with each CrossFit check-in, it helped to keep me accountable at first.  Although now, I'm fairly certain that I would be going to the gym as much even if I didn't "check-in",  I do get the occasional - "I love that quote" or "I was motivated to go the the gym when I read your post".  I can't describe how incredible it feels to know that something like that gave someone else the motivation they needed to do something.  It's crazy.  So sorry folks, since MY Facebook is all about ME - I'm not letting up on my almost daily check-ins.  I do, however need to figure out a way to keep me accountable for what I eat.

Food is such a struggle for me.  Growing up with 20-30 hours a week of ballet most of my childhood and adolescence, allowed me to eat pretty much whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  Because of that, I have developed a serious love of food.  I'm sure there's some psychology behind what, when and why I eat.  I should probably take the time to explore that a little bit - but it's doubtful that I will.  So in the meantime I have to come up with a strategy that will assist me in keeping my cravings and binges in check.  I have tried using apps on my phone that work to a certain extent, but like a true addict, I oftentimes just omit certain things I eat (hide), so that I'm just fooling myself. It's kind of ridiculous.  I have tried pills and potions that just make my heart race and I know aren't good for me.  I have tried too many "diets" to count.  But lately, I've just been sticking to the 80/20 rule where I try to eat sensibly most of the time and allow myself the ability to indulge from time to time.  The problem is that most weeks it turns out to be more like 50/50.  Especially over the holidays when cookies and sweets (some of my all-time favorites) are all over the place.

My husband keeps reminding me of Body for Life that I did a hundred years ago with good success.  6 small meals - basically it's calorie control - which really is every diet.  I'm just having a hard time.  I think part of my problem is that I know I can afford to slip a little more than normal because I am working so hard at the gym.  But I don't tend to just slip.  I start by slipping and end up wallowing in dozens of cookies, or whole pints of ice cream.  While I'd like to reverse that mentality into something like "wow - you're doing all this great work, how about complementing it with clean eating and just imagine the gains you would make?"  Not sure why the combination of diet and exercise is so difficult for me.

So this is an open call for some suggestions.  I'm not looking for diet plans, or shakes or supplements.  I know exactly what I need to eat and what I need to stay away from to get me there. My goal is to lose 10-15 pounds of body fat.  Yes - I have that much to lose.  Yes - I know muscle weighs more than fat.  Yes I could be 15 pounds lighter and still have the muscle I have now.  No - I wouldn't be like 0% body fat (I would be much, much more).  Did I mention I'm a Vegan?  100% of the time minus when I'm eating ice cream or cookies.

I'm looking for strategies to help me do what I need to do.  I remember a few years ago there were cases of fudge bars in the office.  I swiftly sent out a mass email proclaiming I would pay anyone $50 who caught me eating a fudge bar.  Yes - there were times when I considered smuggling one into the bathroom and eating it, but i didn't.  Come to think of it - I should have accused whoever put those fudge bars in the freezer of harassment.  What's the statute of limitations on caloric harassment?

Burpees and Box Jumps and Squats, Oh my!

Mary and I have been walking/running about 4-5 days a week at 5am.  We started in August of 2012 and soldiered through the freezing cold winter and back through Spring and Summer.  I am not a runner – never have been.  But over the course of the year, I managed to get up to about 5 miles without stopping.  This was huge for me!  But it wasn’t enough.  Sure I could run, but my body was not really where I wanted it to be.   Mary and I had drinks with an old friend who told us about Crossfit.  We hadn’t seen her in several years and while she always had a thin build, we noticed that she was lean, tight and strong.  She started back in May and raved about the classes.  We both decided our “workouts” were getting pretty boring and we weren’t really seeing any significant results. 

So we agreed to give it a try.  We started August 26^th at 5am.  Why 5am?   That’s the only time during the day where I’m not working and anyone that needs me is still sleeping.   I recommend a time like that for everyone.  Makes excuses nearly impossible.  So our already lean, tight and strong friend met us there for our first workout.  She usually goes later in the day, but got up early to help shepherd us into this crazy, mystifying workout culture.   The WOD or “workout of the day” was thoughtfully written on a whiteboard in the front of the room.  The room, lovingly called “the box”,  is basically some warehouse space with gym equipment lining the 4 walls.  Lots of weight bars, kettle bells, medicine balls, jump ropes and bars to hang from.  While I don’t recall the exact WOD for my first day, it most likely consisted of some running, weight lifting and core work - all in about 45 minutes, with some optional floor work (core exercises) after that.  I was pretty much hooked from the beginning.  The time in class flew by and I didn’t feel intimidated by what others could do, or how fast or strong they were.  I knew I would improve each day. 

The box is my new sanctuary.  The coaches are fantastic and the people seem really nice.  The vibe seems a bit more mellow than some other local Crossfit gyms I’ve only heard about where competition seems paramount.  I love a good competition, but for right now, I’m just trying to get through these workouts, learn the proper form for some of these moves, and not throw up during class.  But don’t get me wrong – many of these people are fierce!  And I’m certain if they do compete, they do very well.  But I like that the coaches tailor their approach to what your goals are.  Like today, all I wanted to do was get through the workout.  No one was shouting at me with a stop watch telling me to hurry up.  All I got was encouragement from the coach, and others participating in the workout. 

So you’re probably wondering since I’ve been doing this for about a month now, how much weight have I lost.  Well, that’s the one thing about these workouts, and any strength training workouts that are worth a damn.  I’m not losing weight on the scale - YET.  I’m sure I could use some help with my diet, but being a vegan and working this hard has proven difficult.  But my body is totally changing.  I can see it already.  My first goal is to reduce the extra flab I’ve got between the armpit and my bra line a.k.a. bra fat.    I know once I get my diet squared away, some of the weight will start to come off.  I’m not seeing this as a temporary fix, I really do see myself doing this long term.  I’m up to 6 classes a week now, been doing that for about 2 weeks, and I plan to continue.  I can tell that I’m stronger already.  Adding weights to moves where just a few weeks ago, all I could lift was an empty bar.  This was just what I needed to get me to that next level of fitness.  And really, at my age – it’s more about health and less about a bikini bod.   The good news is, I know if I keep this up – the bikini bod will follow!  

I encourage my local friends to give it a try.  The first class is free, you can join for your first month for just $99 and that gives you unlimited number of classes per week.  Visit  www.crossfitkennettsquare.com for more details.   

Break out the Advil and join me – you won’t regret it! 

Vegan Slippage

Yikes – I went “Vegan” over 15 months ago.  No animal products.  No cheese, eggs, meat, milk.  Lost about 8 pounds in the first 3 months.  Kept it off for another 6 months.  All my health markers improved (Cholesterol, glucose, etc.)  Then I started eating fish and some dairy.  Then Thanksgiving and Christmas came.  Then I realized that French fries and bean burritos are vegan! Then cheer season arrived.  Weekend travel, budget hotels, and vendor food makes it impossible to eat healthy, let alone vegan.   All of a sudden I gained back the 8 and another 4.  I’m only 5’2” people.  That’s like 2 dress sizes.  My closet can’t handle all that.  Neither can my wallet.  Mind you, I’ve been walking/jogging 3-4x a week religiously since September.  I can only imagine what I would weigh if I hadn’t been exercising.

 

So here I am in the month of June switching gears yet again.  (I must have burned out a clutch or 2 by now)  Back to vegan.  Fruits, vegetables, beans, nuts and seeds.  I’ve been following this for about a week.  Aside from some birthday cake (for my daughter) and some sushi, I have not detoured.  I am not hungry, have no cravings, and am losing weight.  I’m only 7 pounds away from my lowest of 2012.  I’m still jogging/walking and I’m trying to fit in some weight training now that regular baseball season is over and cheer is slightly abbreviated this summer.  I had been previously swayed by the shakes and pills, but I firmly believe that real, whole foods are the best foods and I’m staying away from processed anything.  I’m feeling a little tired, probably because I’m off of my daily caffeine.  But no headaches and I’m sleeping really well.

 

I’m so glad that some of my favorite fruits are in season.   I hit Costco for mangos and peaches.  My breakfast secret is a cherry/banana drink.   I take 1 fresh banana and about 6 cherries and freeze them overnight.  Then add them to the blender with almond milk and some flax seed.  Watch out with the flax seed, though.  Add too much and you’ll end up with cherry/banana gelatin that is totally gross!  I also made a veggie stew in the crockpot that’s good for a meal each day.  Just lots of veggies – cabbage, carrots, onion, green pepper, celery, tomatoes in a vegetable broth with 2 cans of beans.  Third meal is a huge salad with mixed greens, green pepper, cucumber, sliced strawberries, avocado and crushed cashews.  No dressing required.  Snacks include an apple or orange and some cashew/pumpkin seed clusters.  It’s about 1200 calories per day.  Sometimes less because I’m truly not hungry.

 

So stick with me to see how this all works out.  I’m guessing if I keep this up I should reach my goal weight in about a month.  Not sure what happens then.  I want to continue to eat this way – I guess my body will decide to stop losing when it’s at its happy weight. 

Halfway there

I was supposed to peak at 40.

I was going to:
Weigh 120 lbs
Do a back walkover
Grow out my hair
Get promoted
Go on a girls’ trip
Teach ballet

I turn 40 tomorrow and here’s the deal:
I weigh 140 lbs
I can do a cartwheel and a round-off with straight legs and pointed feet
I have lots of muscles
I fit into all of my size 8’s and some of my size 6’s
I haven’t had a cigarette since 2009
I have long hair
I got a raise
I ate red meat maybe twice in the last year
I cut out all artificial sweeteners
I can surf
I have been walking/jogging 4x per week since September
I joined the Y and have been going
I take a ballet class 3x a month and smile the entire time I’m dancing
I sing loudly to the radio often
My family loves me more than anything
I get to go on dates with my husband often
I have a sincere affection for the people I work with
I have old and new friends that I love, trust and can depend on

I haven’t peaked
I’ve decided this is actually a good thing
Once you hit the peak, there’s nowhere to go but down
So I’ve decided to peak at 80
I’m only halfway there! I’ve got lots of improving to do


Do I wish I weighed less, was prettier, had a flatter stomach, and looked better in skinny jeans?
Of course I do!
Do I wish I had more friends, more love, more money, and more fun? Absolutely!
Do I wish I had no regrets, no grudges, no vices, and no skeletons? Sure.
Do I wish I had more willpower, more energy, more flexibility, and more courage? You bet I do!
But that wouldn’t be my life.

I need to sit back and appreciate all that I am and all that I have TODAY. I have my health, my family, my friends, my job and lots of other things in my life that I love. And hopefully, I’ll have 40 MORE years to work toward my goals, or BETTER YET, I’ll discover different goals and strive to reach them instead!

Happy Birthday to ME!

Another near miss and my nerves are shot

I wrote this back in November, but never posted.  It's a bit dated, but pretty important to me:

So if any of you have been following this blog since the beginning, you will remember a little post I did a few years back about a health scare I had on my 37th birthday regarding an abnormal brain MRI.   Everything turned out to be fine, but it was certainly a scary few days.

Here is my breast cancer scare post:

Mid September I found a lump.  I had one back in 1998.  Left breast.  Had it removed it was nothing.  No mammogram, no ultrasound, no waiting around for results, etc. 18 months ago I was getting painful lumps under my left arm. They came and went each month.  I got them checked out.  Mammogram and ultrasound found nothing.  Surgeon was sure they were nothing and said if they get worse to let her know.  They went away several months later and never came back,  So this new lump, whom I've named Floyd, made himself apparent to me once day while I was stretching out my chest muscle after a workout.  A very small nodule the size of a peanut M&M.  I didn't really think anything of it.  I had my husband feel it, just to see if he could.   I decided to have it checked out by my primary physician.  I was really expecting the same sort of scenario as 1998 or 2011.  Either it was nothing or I know exactly what it is - it's benign and let 's just take it out.  So when I spent 3+ hours having a mammogram and ultrasound, getting called back and forth from the exam room to the waiting room, I had a bad feeling.  The radiologist confirmed that it was solid and would need to be biopsied.  The time span between the first doctor's appointment and my biopsy was just 5 days.  The sense of urgency from everyone was concerning.  So was the fact that unlike my previous encounters with lumps, no one was saying, "I really think this is nothing."  And to make matters worse, I got a hold of my radiology report.  While it's great to have all this information, it's best not to get a hold of your radiology report until AFTER you have biopsy results.  I googled every word on that report and every numerical classification and STRESSED over every word.  The 7 day period of time between the biopsy and my "results" appointment is just inhumane.  Insomnia, irritability, diarrhea - you name it.  It was a terrible week.  Nothing compared to what a woman facing breast cancer has to endure, but crappy nonetheless.

My breast biopsy results were negative and I have a benign breast mass.  I had surgery mid-November to have the whole  lump removed, and then some.  Now the bills are streaming in.  My insurance SUCKS.  While I was due for a mammogram last April and didn't get one, the one I got last month was not considered preventive since there was a lump, and therefore not covered - all because of one stupid diagnosis code.  Ridiculous!   I am so lucky that at least I can afford all this garbage.  I can't imagine what people go through that don't have the means, or who end up being truly sick.  I want to shout out to a colleague of mine at work who is a 9-year breast cancer survivor.  I reached out to her earlier this week when I was convinced I had cancer.  She was so gracious and giving of her experience and information.  She calmed me down and was honest with me about her experience.  She offered me her contact info to call her at ANY time and gave me the names of her awesome doctors.  She checked up on me even while away on business. I can't thank her enough, and I only hope that she had an equally generous mentor to go to when she was waiting for her results.  Everyone should be so lucky to have her on their side.  Thank you Sheila!

So despite some funky scar tissue, I'm totally fine.  Things could have been so much worse, and I am thankful this was all just nothing.  I doubt any future mammograms will be uneventful, and I'm sure I'll always panic each year at the dr's office.  But I'm riding the wave for now and enjoying my health.