Sunday, August 21, 2016

10 Weeks Post Op - Mind games

So much has changed since my last post.  And yet so much has not changed at all.

The crutches and brace are history.  I'm still going to PT twice a week.  I have as much pain and difficulty moving around as I did before surgery (if not more).  I'm told that is normal.  I'm trying to be patient.  Meanwhile my body is changing.  I'm losing muscle.  I'm gaining fat.  Workouts are programmed at my gym and I'm not doing them.  Maybe twice a week I will "workout."  I end up feeling busted for several days afterwards.  Not only my hip and the surrounding area, but the rest of my body as well since my workouts are so few and far between.  I get that "OMG I can't move and everything hurts" sensation at least once a week.

I am back to coaching, thank goodness.  Being able to do what I love and help other athletes to improve their fitness has definitely been my saving grace this last month.  I'm still feeling a little disconnected from everyone because we're not "in the trenches together".  There's something very bonding about doing workouts with people vs. watching people do workouts, or hearing about other people's workouts when you can't participate.  It's always nice to be able to relate to your athletes when you've done the same workout an hour before you coach them so you can give them some personal insights about what they are about to experience.  There's something special about being able to execute a movement with good form to demonstrate to your class - and there's quite another when you attempt to get into the proper position and you have to apologize for not being able to . . . and you hope like hell your words are sufficient and your athletes can use their imaginations and that you're not giving them a less-than-optimal class experience.

I'm still wondering if surgery was the right decision.  I can't help but wonder where I'd be if I hadn't had the surgery.  I know that I am only about halfway through my recovery (maybe less) and that I still have a lot of healing to do.   My impatience definitely gets in my way often.  I have started to seriously consider the possibility that I may not be able to continue doing CrossFit in the manner I trained before and that makes me crazy.  I am so grateful for the people around me who do their best to try and make my experience a little more pleasant while I continue this journey. I have so much more to accomplish!!   I know what my end goal is, and I just have to pray that I can get there without losing my mind the in the meantime.