So much for a day off

So I was supposed to take a vacation day to prepare for our week at the beach. I ended up working most of the day. Luckily, I got a lot accomplished in a short amount of time and I feel even better about being incommunicado with work for 9 full days starting tomorrow.

Food and exercise-wise, today was a good day. I woke up weighing 139 lbs. I finished 45 minutes on the treadmill, this time with an incline - about 500 calories. Watched the season finale of Housewives of NYC. Always adequate entertainment for a home workout.

Breakfast - Supreme Protein protein bar - 200 calories

Lunch - Tuna salad and pretzel chips; 4 strawberries - 400 calories

Dinner - Green apple martini and crab/basil ravioli - ?? Calories. Probably 800.

I was so busy running errands and working, that I didn't get a chance to have any snacks. Probably a good thing since dinner was an unexpected treat. I could probably have dessert, but I'm not going to press my luck. I'm done for the day.

Another pair of flip flops came in the mail today for Ells. They are still on her feet. Let's hope they make it back into her closed closet and not in Dash's mouth.

Stressed out: Vacation pending

Super busy and at work today. Provided a nice distraction from food. There were even brownies in the kitchen leftover from some partner visit that I managed to resist. I was able to get through 45 minutes of cardio. Watched Million Dollar Decorators and part of Flippin' Out. What would I do without the Bravo network? I know Andy Cohen and I would be friends - if he knew me.

Food Diary:

Breakfast Cheerios with skim milk and a granny smith apple

am snack Greek Yogurt

Lunch Steamed veggies - mushrooms, broccoli and squash with a

tuna salad sandwich on light whole wheat bread.

pm snack Pretzels and cheese, popcorn, baby carrots and some

strawberries

dinner protein bar, some more tuna salad with some pretzel chips.

According to my fitness pal If everyday were like today, I'd weigh 134.5 in 5 weeks. Sounds good to me. I burned 475 calories and ate about 1500. I weighed 139.5 this morning.

I've been pretty stressed with work - lots to do before I take vacation. I have been staying late in the office and working from home in the evenings. Tonight will be no different. I hope I can actually take tomorrow off as planned. Wish me luck.

5 pairs of flip flops - I'm grumpy and hungry

We have a new puppy. He's about 7 months old and loves to eat flip flops. The first pair he destroyed were mine. Since then we are diligent about keeping our shoes out of harm's way and keeping an eye out for any misplaced flip flops that might fall prey to our little Dash. My kids have serious trouble paying attention to where they leave their shoes and more trouble paying attention when the puppy is chewing on something he shouldn't be RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM.

We leave for a beach vacation on Saturday, and my daughter still doesn't have a pair of flip flops, despite that fact that I have purchased her 3 pairs in the last month. Each time she gets a new pair they get worn for the day, she takes them off in the kitchen and leaves them on the bench - where the dog can reach them, and about an hour later, I find them in his mouth, destroyed. The latest pair succumbed the most quickly. I think she owned them for less than 24 hours. Wore them to camp, came home, left them on the bench and when I called home around dinner time to tell everyone I was still working, she announced, almost with a chuckle that Dash got her flip flops. Are you freaking kidding me? I'll but her next pair at the beach, at least the dog won't be around to destroy them and they'll have a chance at lasting for at least a week.

So how did I do today? I'm tired, stressed out at work, annoyed at the dog and my kids. Good thing I work out in the morning! I did another 60 minutes on the treadmill and did some free weights just before 6am.

Here's what I ate: This may have been worse if I hadn't left my purse at home today. No money to cheat! Another good strategy!

8am Diet Coke

9am Supreme Protein PB&J bar 200 calories

11am Pretzels with cheese 145 calories

1pm Turkey Chili 250 calories

2pm strawberries 50 calories

2:45 Popcorn 100 calories

3:30 1/2 protein bar 200 calories

6:30 blueberries 80 calories

7pm Pretzel chips with tuna salad 275 calories

According to myfitnesspal:

If every day were like today... You'd weigh 132.6 lbs in 5 weeks

Today, I weighed 140.5 I probably should be eating a bit more- but I'm afraid if I eat anything else, it may snowball into something bad - so I'm going to stop here.

Anyone with tips for preventing Dash from eating any more shoes, aside from sending him back to the pound - let me know.

My Grandmother and dragonflies

My Dad's Mother, my Mom-mom Schiavelli, or Mom-mom "spaghetti" as my children referred to her before they could pronounce Schiavelli, died on July 3rd. She had been hospitalized the week before and luckily, I was able to spend a great deal of time with her the few days before her death. She was 87 years old, a traditional italian wife and mother who doted on and cared for her husband up until his death 3 years ago. She was a breast cancer survivor. She was a marvelous cook, a really good scrabble player and I have so many wonderful memories of her that I hold close to my heart. We had gotten much closer since the death of my grandfather. My grandmother spent most, if not all of her energy caring for him especially during the last several years of his life. I remember after he died thinking 1 of 2 things may happen. She would bounce back and enjoy her time to do the things she couldn't do before, or she would fall into some kind of funk and live out the rest of her life sad and depressed. When I found out that she was headed to Wildwood with a friend of hers a week or so after the funeral - I knew she was going to be OK.

She was diagnosed with lung cancer last summer and although she was not going through aggressive treatment, she was able to remain comfortable and relatively healthy for several months before feeling sick and eventually succumbing to this crappy disease. I will say - she lived her life pretty much the way she wanted to and she was loved by everyone who encountered her and was lucky enough to have her in their life.

I could go on and on, but I will share just some of my favorite memories both old and new:

1. Her fingernails. They were thick and well manicured. When she told stories at the dining room table, I would notice her hands folding a napkin or smoothing out the tablecloth.



2. Her jewelry - mostly costume that she kept in her dresser and would let me peruse and try on anytime I wanted.



3. Raiding her pantry closet in Pleasant Hills for chewing gum and candy. Pop-pop loved chocolate, Mom-mom loved her Wrigley's and there was always ample amounts of both for the taking.



4. Watching her play Ant Smasher on my smart phone. This kept her entertained while in the hospital this past winter.



5. Hearing her say "you're so cute!" to both of my kids while giving them her Mom-mom hugs.



6. The look on her face when she would see my daughter. I am so glad I brought Ells to see her in the hospital just a few days before she died. It was a great, happy visit!



7. Bringing her GeneralTso's chicken - one of her favs!



8. Her love for rice pudding and Vanilla milkshakes



9. Recently sharing all my photos and videos of the kids with her on my Mac and watching her reaction to seeing many pictures she had never seen before.



10. Dancing in the livingroom in Pleasant Hills at Christmas time.



11. Playing bingo and Rummy tiles with her and my kids.

I was a mess at her funeral. I couldn't stop crying. Everytime I saw her laid out in her coffin, or when I saw friends and relatives giving their condolences to my Dad or my Aunts, I cried. I still cry. I miss her very much and even though I spent as much time with her as a could over the years, I wish I had spent more time with her. She was the best story teller - and I could sit and listen to her for hours upon hours talking about the "olden days". She was beautiful inside and out. I hope to have inherited some of her youthful genes, but most of all I hope I have the love and kindness in my heart that she possessed.

A week ago at our pool there I noticed a very large, very beautiful dragonfly just hanging around. The other night we went to a Blue Rocks game, and a dragonfly would not leave us alone. High speed fly-bys, and even landed on my husband's head. I drive by my grandmother's cemetary every day to and from work. It's only open from 8:30-4 each day, so it's normally closed when I'm passing by. Yesterday morning I was running late and noticed the gate was open as I stopped at a red light. I thought about popping in for a visit, but realized I probably should just head to work. The moment the light turned green, a dragonfly landed on the hood of my car, and it flitted around the car for about 2 blocks as I drove away.

I googled it this morning and found the following:

Dragonflies are messengers of the elemental world. Some cultures believe they are symbols for renewal, change, maturity, and depth of character. Now I've never been really into the elemental world, but I'm taking all this in and can't help but wonder if someone's trying to tell me something.

I'm keeping my eyes, ears and heart open. I'm am missing my Mom-mom and hoping she has more to tell me in the years to come. I'm also thinking I may need another tattoo . .

Day 1 of My Public Food Diary

So - this is the first of many daily updates I plan to post outlining my daily food and exercise activities. Today started off with a bang - 60+ minutes on the treadmill at 6am. Burned about 600 calories while watching the Bachelorette on my DVR. I weighed 140.

Food intake - well that's another story. Despite the fact that the summary from myfitnesspal.com states "if every day were like today . . . you'd weigh 134.5 in 5 weeks", my food choices leave a little to be desired. I started off pretty well - 1/2 a protein bar and a couple of eggs for breakfast. Turkey chili for lunch. I also drank close to 40 oz of diet coke before 1pm. I should probably ditch the soda for more water. Not today. For a snack I had some honey wheat pretzels and laughing cow swiss cheese - a very satisfying snack for about 150 calories. Another snack of baby carrots and some microwave popcorn - another 150 calories.

I should also mention that I'm taking bee pollen supplements. 2 capsules 3x a day. The first 2 I took this am felt like they were stuck in my throat all morning. Anyway - up until 4pm today, I had consumed about 800 calories. With the exercise I did, I had about 600 more to go for the day. I had plans to eat some leftover pork ribs (300 calories) and maybe another protein bar and some fruit. The best laid plans . . .

At 4pm I had a meeting, and the red velvet cheesecake was there. It was a celebration of sorts. I decided to just share a piece with my friend. I ended up eating 3/4 of that piece and another sliver just for myself. So that became my dinner & dessert. All consumed before 5pm. I'm not too disappointed. Luckily the cheesecake was filling, so I'm not really hungry and it didn't send me into some feeding frenzy - always a good thing! I'm sure I won't eat anything else today. But some meat and fruit would have obviously been a better choice. There's always tomorrow!

I will say that the prospect of sharing everything I ate today definitely came into play when faced with food choices. I bet if I wasn't doing this - I would have snuck in another piece or 2 of cake, and I would have most likely eaten dinner as well. Here's to small victories and to better choices tomorrow.

And right on cue, my DH opens up a bag of Tostitos and salsa. Dear Lord, let me be strong.

My Food Addiction

The first step is admitting you have a problem - right? Ok. I am absolutely, positively convinced that I have some kind of food addiction. I have foods that trigger uncontrollable eating - primarily chocolate. I pretty much think about food all the time. And if there is "forbidden" food around, I can't stop thinking about it.

Here are a few ways I'm working around this addiction.

At work, we have a community fridge/freezer. Someone stocked it with several boxes of fudge bars and chocolate ice cream bars leftover from an event. This happened once before about 3 months ago, and no kidding, I must have eaten 2, 3 sometimes 4 of those bars each day, before they were all gone. So when the email came out this time notifying everyone of the treats, I quickly replied to all and pledged to pay $50 to anyone who caught me eating an ice cream bar. So far it's working, but there are still a few boxes left - I'm trying to be strong.

Tonight after dinner, I was hungry and craving something bad. The kids were eating Swedish Fish. I could have eaten a few handfuls. Instead, I decided to take my little one to Justice for a little retail therapy. I didn't have anything else to eat - yeah me - but I spent $70 on crap she didn't need.

While at Costco yesterday, I noticed they had my favorite 800-lb gorilla chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches. I normally would buy them, have one instead of a real meal, and some nights when everyone was asleep I'd have 1 or 2 just because they are so good. This time, I walked halfway back to my cart, turned around and put them back in the display case. If I don't buy them, I can't eat them.

The other morning while out at breakfast, my DH ordered his weekly cinnamon bun as an appetizer that we usually all share. I resisted even a small bite, knowing that would set me off on a bad binge that might have lasted the whole weekend. I told my husband that ordering that is like doing shots in front of an alcoholic. I think he thinks I may be too dramatic, but I think I'm on to something.

I'm convinced that if I wasn't working out - practically 7 days a week for an hour + each day - I would be morbidly obese. Easily. I don't want to workout to eat anymore. I want to workout and eat right and get smaller. So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to use this blog as a food/exercise/body diary for the next 30 days. Each day, I will post what I eat, how many calories I'm ingesting and how I'm feeling about what I'm eating (or not eating!). I will detail my daily workouts and even document my weight and some measurements.

Right now it's Monday night - I weigh 140.5 lbs. I walked/jogged 60 minutes this morning on the treadmill. Burned about 600 calories and ate about 1200 calories. I'll get more detailed on the food tomorrow. I'm too tired to go back and try to remember it all :)

PS. I'm hungry, but I'm afraid to eat anything.

My NYC adventure

So for my birthday, I decided to treat myself to an intensive 8-day teacher training program through the American Ballet Theater. The result, assuming I pass the final exam, would be certification to teach Primary through Level3 Ballet. I would be in NYC Friday – the following Saturday, spending each day 9-5 working and studying with other dancers and teachers from around the world. I planned to spend my evenings taking open ballet classes all over the city. I planned to meet up with my 2nd cousin, who works at bar in Chelsea. I planned to meet my long-lost step-cousin that I just met through facebook for a drink. So, things didn’t go quite as planned, BUT I loved every minute of my time in the City. I didn’t make it to a ballet class every night. I didn’t get together with either of my cousins. BUT . . . Here’s what I did do:

1. I ditched the blonde hair at a swanky salon in SOHO and spent a fortune doing so
2. I celebrated my 38th birthday all by myself
3. I was a vegetarian (by accident) for about 6 days – the best carpaccio I’ve had broke my streak – totally worth it.
4. I walked and walked and walked and walked – even more than I should have considering every time I got out of a subway station I had to walk at least a block or 2 before I realized I was walking the wrong way. NOTE – the compass app on my Driod SUCKS!!
5. I learned how to tell the difference between a 2/4 March, a 3/4 Polonaise and a 4/4 time signature all with live accompaniment.
6. I met some really sweet, interesting and talented people and dancers
7. I saw NYC Ballet at Lincoln Center - my 1st time!
8. I drank lots of wine
9. I slept a little bit
10. I spent time with a dear old friend, who thankfully had a trip on Friday to save myself from more wine and no sleep – although the 3 days we did spend together wasn’t enough.

So the January funk is long gone. Now I’m having total NYC withdrawal. I’ve got some new opportunities at work that should bring some welcomed change. I’m hoping to get the one that will allow me to travel a bit more. NYC made me realize I really need to get out more. It’s good for me and everyone around me.

This week it’s back to reality. I’m definitely going back for training next year, but hopefully I’ll get out and about way before then!