Discipline vs. Motivation

Read a great blog post the other day that really has stuck with me and I wanted to share some key points in my own words.

Finding motivation is great!  You can be inspired by people around you, people you see everyday, friends, family, etc.  You can be inspired by a professional athlete, a coach, a teacher anyone really.  Motivation oftentimes helps us to stay focused or even to finally get started.  The problem with motivation is that it's externally derived and it ebbs and flows.  You find motivation in OTHERS and it's not permanent.  Think of a rollercoaster, you see someone's achievements, get really inspired to work hard and stick to your plan, it works for a few days, weeks, etc, then invariably without constant "motivation" you slow down, revert and maybe get off track.

Discipline on the other hand, is something YOU do, consistently, every day whether you feel like it or not.  Discipline comes from YOU.  You control the actions tied to your discipline.  Whether it's exercising, practicing meditation, making healthy food choices, spending more time with your family, studying for school, being a better friend, coach, mother, spouse.  You just do it, day in and day out because you know it's the right thing to do and it will absolutely make your goals possible.  You could be having a shitty day, and not feel MOTIVATED to stay on track.  That's an outside force.  It's your DISCIPLINE, your inner strength that is all up to you, that will inevitably be responsible for keeping you on track.

It's still a great idea to search for inspiration, motivation in others.  It's a great way to make your disciplined actions seem easier at times, but it's critical to remember that what you do, your actions, your choices, your behavior starts and ends with you.  Period.  Having a great support system is so helpful but absolutely not necessary. And any lack of motivation or inspiration should not paralyze your efforts or affect your discipline - EVER.

This little mind shift has worked wonders for me.  I'm less concerned about external factors I can't control.  Who is supporting me, who wants to see me succeed, who is trying to push me, who may be discouraging me.  I have to let all of that go and realize that my DISCIPLINE is the only thing I need to ensure I stay on track.  I either have it or I don't.  Every day won't be a  total success, and I'm certain my discipline will have some cracks in it at times.  But I realize that all of my actions are within my ultimate control and I will do what it takes to get what I want.  No motivation necessary.

Let's GOOOOOOO!!

It's Sunday afternoon.  I had the BEST meal last night with some great people and lots of wine.  It was a great way to spend my last Saturday night before I attempt, once again, to consistently maintain some healthy eating habits and to see some physical changes.  Friday was my rock bottom.  2,200 calories worth of miniature chocolates at work.  In addition to breakfast lunch and dinner.  Wasn't much different from the 10-30 days prior, except for the fact that I was finally fed up with my lack of self-control and realized that I couldn't fit into any of my jeans/pants anymore.

The great thing about being fit-"ish" is that you can go a couple weeks, maybe even a month or so eating like crap, and aside from headaches and poor performance, it really does take awhile before your body starts changing for the worse.  The bad thing about that is that you can get away with eating like crap for a really long time and sometimes not notice the ill-effects.  And apparently for me, the headaches and low performance aren't enough to force me to make a change.  It's not until my clothes start feeling super tight do I typically have enough disgust for myself to switch gears.  That in and of itself is worrisome to me, since I try to be an example to others displaying a healthy lifestyle and a healthy body image.  Both of which are just big fat lies sometimes.

I'm on day 1 of yet another journey to get back on track.  My oldest ordered Papa John's Pizza, brownies and chocolate chip cookie. (big sigh).  However, I'm happy to report that I just bagged up the leftovers and threw out the boxes without even so much as a sniff.  Last Sunday, the last 2 slices, the remaining half of the tray of chocolate chip cookie and the 7 brownies would have been in my belly.  So that's a win!!!  I'm a little hungry and a little tired (today's my do-nothing rest day) but so far I've been successful.  One meal at a time for me.

Here's my Sunday:

Meal 1 - Scoop of protein powder, blended with water, ice, Tb Peanut butter and 1 C of spinach.
Meal 2 - Chicken breast with hot sauce, 2C zucchini sautéed in some ghee
Meal 3 - Whole wheat mini bagel with tiny bit of almond butter, Kale salad (the stuff you get from Costco) and a small bowl of ground turkey with taco seasoning.
Meal 4 - Stuffed pepper with ground turkey, brown rice and a slice of provolone cheese
Meal 5 - Scoop of casein in water  Rice cakes with peanut butter

Going to try and post more to keep me accountable.  Stay tuned for the progress.

10 Weeks Post Op - Mind games

So much has changed since my last post.  And yet so much has not changed at all.

The crutches and brace are history.  I'm still going to PT twice a week.  I have as much pain and difficulty moving around as I did before surgery (if not more).  I'm told that is normal.  I'm trying to be patient.  Meanwhile my body is changing.  I'm losing muscle.  I'm gaining fat.  Workouts are programmed at my gym and I'm not doing them.  Maybe twice a week I will "workout."  I end up feeling busted for several days afterwards.  Not only my hip and the surrounding area, but the rest of my body as well since my workouts are so few and far between.  I get that "OMG I can't move and everything hurts" sensation at least once a week.

I am back to coaching, thank goodness.  Being able to do what I love and help other athletes to improve their fitness has definitely been my saving grace this last month.  I'm still feeling a little disconnected from everyone because we're not "in the trenches together".  There's something very bonding about doing workouts with people vs. watching people do workouts, or hearing about other people's workouts when you can't participate.  It's always nice to be able to relate to your athletes when you've done the same workout an hour before you coach them so you can give them some personal insights about what they are about to experience.  There's something special about being able to execute a movement with good form to demonstrate to your class - and there's quite another when you attempt to get into the proper position and you have to apologize for not being able to . . . and you hope like hell your words are sufficient and your athletes can use their imaginations and that you're not giving them a less-than-optimal class experience.

I'm still wondering if surgery was the right decision.  I can't help but wonder where I'd be if I hadn't had the surgery.  I know that I am only about halfway through my recovery (maybe less) and that I still have a lot of healing to do.   My impatience definitely gets in my way often.  I have started to seriously consider the possibility that I may not be able to continue doing CrossFit in the manner I trained before and that makes me crazy.  I am so grateful for the people around me who do their best to try and make my experience a little more pleasant while I continue this journey. I have so much more to accomplish!!   I know what my end goal is, and I just have to pray that I can get there without losing my mind the in the meantime.

10 Days Post-Op

The deed has been done.  Can't undo it now.  I have had the surgery.  Uneventful.   No real pain at all.  Just immobilization of my hip and no bearing of weight on my right leg.  Seems simple enough right?

Try these seemingly mundane tasks that I can't do by myself:

1. Fixing yourself anything to eat or drink 
2. Getting into the shower 
3. Shaving your legs  
4. Tying your shoe  
5. Feeding the dogs
6. Driving anywhere

Here's the short list of what I can do all by myself:

1. Go from the couch to the toilet and back
2. Take my brace off and put it back on
3. Use my laptop (assuming it's within my reach)
4. Use the TV remote (same assumption as above)
5. Recline in my new power recliner
6. Eat what I can grab with the fridge open

I am starting to go a little bit nutty during the week with the isolation and lack of ability to do anything.  I'm having a hard time asking for help.  My friends and family have been busy with their own lives.  They still have their normal obligations so I understand that they can't be waiting on me hand and foot.  

I go see my surgeon tomorrow for the first time since my surgery.  Hoping he has some good news in terms of increasing my activity and/or starting PT.  I know I'm whining, and this will all have a happy ending.  At least that what I'm praying for.  Just sucks being in the throes of it right now.  The weather has been gorgeous, I'd love to be outside a little and continue to be as active as I'm accustomed to being.  Feels like I'm missing out on life but I guess this is my life right now.  I need to just deal with it and know that it's temporary.  I am thankful for my friends and family that are making this time a little more bearable for me.  I know I'm not the most fun to be around lately.

Here's to finding the strength and patience to be OK.

Operation "Pre-Op"

So I have decided after almost a year to go under the knife and fix my hip.  Most of you know I've had a labral tear and some worn out cartilage, but when the prospect of surgery and being out for 4-6 months was presented to me last summer I thought hmmmmm . . . maybe it's not that bad and I should just try to work around it.  It's not like I can't walk or function day to day.  I just can't do a lot of what I'm trying to do while training.  So a few injections later and numerous physical therapy companies and sessions later, I've come to the conclusion that it's not getting any better and my training has hit a wall.  And I'm not quite ready to give up my hopes of becoming really competitive at CrossFit. And I'd like to not need a hip replacement when I'm 50.

So I'm taking a HUGE leap and will have surgery June 10th.  I'm told I can't do anything for 10 days which is when I go back to see my surgeon and get my stitches out. After that my hope is to start pretty intensive therapy as well as some kind of conditioning to stay active since it will be many months before I'm back to full CrossFit activities.

The procedures I'm having include a fix to the tear (which is actually pretty minor), some reshaping of my femur (which is causing some discomfort in flexion - sort of like an impingement but not really) and the big daddy of them all  - micro fracture which should add some scar tissue to the layer of cartilage that is missing and causing most of my discomfort and presumably holding me back the most.

Dr. Kropf does this surgery quite often and with much success.  He also has extensive experience with athletes (mostly professional actually) and he understands how aggressively I'd like to rehab.  Not just the hip, but the rest of my body so when the hip is healed, I'm ready to go.

My recovery will include 4-6 weeks of no weight bearing activities,  And it will be 6 months before I'm back to full impact activities.  For those of you that know CrossFit - this means muscle snatches, muscle cleans and push presses, will be my staple barbell moves for awhile.  No push jerks and no power anything, no "landing" in a quarter squat or full squat on anything. This also means no running or box jumps, which actually is Ok with me (hate them both!)

I think the hardest part for me to accept is the amount of assistance I'll require while recovering.  I was on crutches last fall for a minor ankle sprain and man did it suck!  This is going to be 100x worse and I cringe at the thought of needing to be waited on, and driven places, and just not having much independence at all.  I will want to be back coaching (even if it's me just giving cues while reclining) as soon as possible.  I'm going to miss my routine terribly.

So while I may not be able to participate in the 2017 Open, I'm definitely hoping to be competitive in 2018 season.

With that, I hereby declare the next 30 days "Operation Pre-Op".  I will be taking this next month to focus on my strength and endurance in an effort to be in great shape by June 10th.  I will be focused on eating well, working out "smart", stretching,  and sleeping.  Wish me luck!

#hopethisworks

Wakey Wakey

According to my last post, which I wrote on my 1 year CrossFit anniversary -  I never dreaded waking up at 4am and going into the gym every morning.  NEVER EVER was it a struggle.  I truly looked forward to it.  In August of 2015, I celebrated my second year of CrossFit.  I could have written the same blog that day.

A couple of months ago something changed.  Not sure if it's my body, my mind or my heart.  Probably a combination of all 3.  But I find myself not being my happiest when I'm at what used to be my happiest of all places.  I'm constantly trying to analyze the why's.  Am I not performing like I used to?  Is my coaching getting stale?  Am I helping anyone?  Does anybody really care if I show up or not?  Am I really cut out for this?  It's starting to wear on me.  Something's missing.  Feel like I don't fit in.  My body is not cooperating.  Workouts aren't fun.  I'm stressed out.  I catch myself being isolated and distant.  Not present.

I'm scared.

I competed a week ago.  My first individual competition in almost a year.  Thought it would be good for me to get back into the thrill of the sport.  I think it backfired.  I didn't do nearly as well as I expected.  Another disappointment.  Finding it really hard to see the positives.

I'm trying to make some changes - adjustments to my schedule, my workouts, my environment, most importantly my attitude.  So far it's not working. But I'm hopeful things will turn around sooner than later.

I want nothing more than to find that spark again.  That passion that effortlessly got me out of bed before 4am.  I'm afraid to fall further down this rabbit hole of insecurity and indifference.   I know that this CrossFit way of life and the community are good for me.  I have been transformed over the last 2 years for the better.  That I know for sure.

I've heard people talk about burn-out.  I know that's a possibility.  I'm just not sure how to react to it or what I do to turn it around.  I'm desperately trying to find my smile again. If you happen to see it - please return it to me. I may cry a little, but it's all good.

Never Finished

One year ago today, I stepped into a "box" for the first time to try CrossFit.  I have arrived early (most days before 5am) on close to 275 occasions since then.  I have stayed, longer than most, to attack my weaknesses.  I've lifted, run, pushed, pulled, jumped, planked, rowed, climbed, swung, stretched, rolled, flossed, slammed, flipped, kipped and dipped every week. I have NEVER, not even once, dreaded waking up at 4am to show up and work hard.  I sincerely have looked forward to each and every day I get to go in.

Some accomplishments and musings from the past year:

1. I have learned about nutrition, supplements and body composition.  Most people don't eat nearly enough protein.  I do now - and it's not all bacon.   I try to make healthy choices 80% of the time and treat myself 20% of the time.  My weight has remained the same over the course of the past year but my body has changed significantly. I have gained lean muscle mass and lost fat for sure.
2. I'm getting better at pushing my physical limitations without damaging my body.  A few WODs are not worth succumbing to a sidelining injury.  I almost always have a new area taped or compressed and people ask me what did I do now.  Luckily, my ailments have been minor and short-lived.  But the paraphernalia I've collected (mobility balls, elbow sleeves, knee sleeves, rock tape, etc.) is kind of impressive. I've never been out of the gym for more than a day or 2 because of a muscle strain.
3. I'm really good at ignoring my mental limitations during a workout - Mind Over Matter.  There have been countless times I have looked at the board and secretly thought to myself, "Oh shit - no way can I do that!" and EVERY time - I've done it.  I may have scaled the weights or slowed the pace - but I've finished - every single time.
4. I celebrate my accomplishments and let my failures fuel my next workout.  I'm not obnoxious with my PR postings on social media, but I've definitely given myself a shout out for a great workout, a heavy lift or a new skill.  Just not every time.  When I don't go as fast, or as heavy, or with the best form, I add it to my mental list of things to work on.  And with all the extra time I spend at the box, I get to run through this list quite often.
5. I feel better at 41 than I did at 31 or even 21! I have stopped stressing over the scale and started to just enjoy what my body is capable of.  And for once in my life, I actually like the way I look. 
6. I have fantasies about quitting my job and training full-time to become a Games athlete or a future NPGL draft pick.  I'm thinking 2016 or 2017.
7. I have a bunch of new friends for whom I would do anything. That's pretty much everyone I WOD with on a regular basis, and those that I watch WOD when I am "recovering".  Basically, if we make eye contact anywhere close to the box - you're in this category.  There are 2 people in particular that I talk to everyday and consider to be close friends. One is my coach, and the other is a fellow athlete almost 20 years younger than me.  We overshare, geek out, support, and confide in one another constantly.  I cherish these friendships the most. 
8. I am a living example to my kids. I know they are proud to have a strong mom.  The possibility  that they could be more fit because of me is invaluable.
9. I have been first to finish and I have been last to finish.  I have been the girl with the most weight on her bar, and I've been the one with an empty bar.  I have learned that the only competition is with yourself.  Some days you make huge gains and other days it's back to the basics.  And that's all OK.  There's always more work to be done.  I'm never finished.
10. I hope that I inspire people to follow their passions and "get it done".  For the past 10 months or so - I have posted a motivational quote on FB along with my morning check in to the box.  I find these quotes everywhere.  I rarely give credit to the one who said it (unless it's my own original of course).  Somedays they are timely and personally connected to something I'm dealing with, somedays they are just ones I think are cool.  Sometimes they are just stupid, tacky, or have nothing to do with working out.  They've sort of taken on a life of their own now, and even though I'm running out of material from my "library",  I will try to keep it up in some way.  Why?  because every once in a while I'll get a "thank you, I needed that" or a "love this one!" comment that will just make my day!

The coolest part about all of this is that I bet thousands of other people could write a blog post about their first year in CrossFit and it would look pretty similar to what I just wrote above.  So even though my experience is personal - for CrossFit - it's universal. While I like to feel unique and special, there's something about being part of a gigantic group of people passionate about the same thing that is insanely awesome.

So thank you CFKSQ and especially my coach, Everett, for every workout, cue, PR and chuckle. You have given me so many wonderful gifts this past year. I look forward to 300 WODS in my second year!

Special thanks to my husband, my partner in crime and life, for giving me the gift of time to dive into this new lifestyle.  I know he's my biggest fan. And while he may be a CrossFit widower - I'm quite certain he doesn't mind my new found confidence and muscles!!

The best $20 I ever spent.

I didn't even know what The Open was until maybe early February.  JR was tweeting about it.  I did some digging and realized that it was basically a virtual CrossFit competition "open" to anyone.  I wondered who from our gym would register.  Then I mentioned it to JR.  He said I should register.  That's all I needed to hear.  I needed someone who knew about it to encourage me and basically confirm for me that it was something I could and should be a part of.  Thanks JR!  I really had no idea what I was getting into, but I knew it would be fun and I would hopefully learn a thing or 2.

I was disappointed that I had to watch the first workout announcement alone. I was really hoping the gym would have a party or something!  But on my couch, with my laptop - became my position each Thursday night at 8pm.  I texted Lauren non-stop during the first announcement, and pretty much during the other 4 announcements, too!  

I was pretty bummed that each of the early weeks there was something I wasn't very good at.  Double unders held me back in week 1.  I bought a new jump rope the following day.  Week 2 were those darned chest to bar pull-ups.  I still can't do one - but I'm so close!  Week 3 was a nice surprise.  Deadlifts and box jumps - 2 things I could do!  And I got 6 reps into a weight that was heavier than my 1 rep max from a few months prior.  I fell short of my goal in Week 4 - really wanted to get to those cleans.  It was my slow row that did me in.  And let's just say I do't have the best aim with my wall balls.  But I did get through those toes to bar that I had only gotten a few days prior.  I considered repeating 14.4 but realized that my score wasn't nearly as important as what I was learning about my strengths and weaknesses.  Week 5 was my most stressful workout - having to complete it on the road as a drop-in at another box.  But it turned into my BEST workout in terms of execution and placement.  And luckily,  it consisted of 2 movements I can actually do, and I actually like thrusters. Burpees, well who likes those anyway?

I did all my open workouts on Friday mornings.  I became the unofficial guinea pig for my friends doing it after me - allowing them to learn from my experience, and have a goal to shoot for.  I really enjoyed playing that role.  I got to "coach" others with my tips and recommendations after having gone through the workouts.  I also really enjoyed coming in at other times to cheer everyone else on and take pictures.  Such a great experience.  I'm so proud and blessed to be a part of this great community!

I have SO MANY things to work on.  I feel more focused than ever and I cannot wait for 15.1!!!

My Dewey

He slept in his usual spot last night - at the top of the stairs up against the wall, on his back.  I must have checked on him a thousand times.  As I sit and write this now, he is right by my side.  He knows I know,  and all he is trying to do is comfort me and all I am trying to do is comfort him.  I love to stroke his velvety belly, freshly shaved from the ultrasound that sealed his fate.  When I stop petting, he gives me the nudge - his nose to my hand.  He doesn't want me to stop.  I cry.  He just stares at me.  I cry some more. He must be so tired and so hungry.

All he can "eat" is peanut butter.  I give him a finger full every few hours.  The tumor is blocking the path from his stomach to his small intestines.  Almost nothing can get through.  I can't bring myself to give him his meds this morning.  The pills don't go down easily, and he clenches his jaw when I try to pry it open.  No more today.  Only peanut butter licks.

Few things perk him up now.  The crinkle of a food wrapper will get his attention for a moment, but he won't move to investigate further.  He only moves if I move.  And I don't want to make him move, so I've been trying to sit still.  His eyes light up if I ask "Where's the kitty?"  But he doesn't patrol the house to find the kitty anymore.  He just looks around checks to see if I move, then drops his head back to the ground.

I reached out to Dewey's breeder last night to give her the news.  I was surprised to hear that 1 of his 11 litter mates just died a few months ago of lymphoma.  And his mother, Valy, died of lymphoma at age 7. Dewey just turned 8.  He looked just like his mother.  His dad, Obi, lived to be 13.  We declined any further diagnostics on the tumor to spare him the procedures that would likely be painful and uncomfortable and have little or no upside as his prognosis even with the most aggressive treatment was likely a year or less.  And since he can't eat, he would have to be on supportive care in other day or so.  Also his tumor looked like it was starting to ulcerate, which means he's at a risk for perforation, hemorrhage, and possibly a very sudden and painful death.  Not on my watch.

Today is his last day with us.  I wanted him to have one last "normal" day.  I didn't want his last day to be 7 hours away from home, 2 very long car rides (he hates the car) and strange sounds, smells, dogs and the like.  So Dash will get to torture him for one more day.  The kids and I will just snuggle with him all day.  He'll get to sit in the snow and cool off his belly for one more day.  Maybe he'll even bark at the mailman. I'm so grateful to have this day to say goodbye.  I realize many don't get this opportunity.  Today is just as much for me as it is for him.  I hope he doesn't suffer too much in the few hours he has left.

I have never witnessed the euthanasia of any of my pets before.  I have had several "put down"  Cats and dogs.  I will be there holding his giant paw later today, stroking his velvety belly, kissing his cheek.  He's done so much for me and my family.  It's the least I can do for him.

We love you Dewey.  You'll find your kitty up there.  I promise.

You Can't Outrun Your Fork

I've been SO dedicated to exercise for the last 4 months, it's almost hard to believe.  I have been going to my CrossFit gym religiously 4-6x per week and working my ass off.  Not literally.  Ironically so, my ass is a little bit bigger than when I started if that's possible. But it's actually muscular, not flabby.  So much so that most of my jeans don't fit anymore.  They are loose in the waist (score!) and tight in the butt and thigh (those darn muscles again!)  I have made jean shopping a bit of a sport now. My mission? Find the perfect jean to fit a CrossFitter's body.  That's right - I'm a CrossFitter. Anyway, I'm getting way off track.  This post is about eating.

While I have been annoying most my Facebook friends with inspirational quotes with each CrossFit check-in, it helped to keep me accountable at first.  Although now, I'm fairly certain that I would be going to the gym as much even if I didn't "check-in",  I do get the occasional - "I love that quote" or "I was motivated to go the the gym when I read your post".  I can't describe how incredible it feels to know that something like that gave someone else the motivation they needed to do something.  It's crazy.  So sorry folks, since MY Facebook is all about ME - I'm not letting up on my almost daily check-ins.  I do, however need to figure out a way to keep me accountable for what I eat.

Food is such a struggle for me.  Growing up with 20-30 hours a week of ballet most of my childhood and adolescence, allowed me to eat pretty much whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  Because of that, I have developed a serious love of food.  I'm sure there's some psychology behind what, when and why I eat.  I should probably take the time to explore that a little bit - but it's doubtful that I will.  So in the meantime I have to come up with a strategy that will assist me in keeping my cravings and binges in check.  I have tried using apps on my phone that work to a certain extent, but like a true addict, I oftentimes just omit certain things I eat (hide), so that I'm just fooling myself. It's kind of ridiculous.  I have tried pills and potions that just make my heart race and I know aren't good for me.  I have tried too many "diets" to count.  But lately, I've just been sticking to the 80/20 rule where I try to eat sensibly most of the time and allow myself the ability to indulge from time to time.  The problem is that most weeks it turns out to be more like 50/50.  Especially over the holidays when cookies and sweets (some of my all-time favorites) are all over the place.

My husband keeps reminding me of Body for Life that I did a hundred years ago with good success.  6 small meals - basically it's calorie control - which really is every diet.  I'm just having a hard time.  I think part of my problem is that I know I can afford to slip a little more than normal because I am working so hard at the gym.  But I don't tend to just slip.  I start by slipping and end up wallowing in dozens of cookies, or whole pints of ice cream.  While I'd like to reverse that mentality into something like "wow - you're doing all this great work, how about complementing it with clean eating and just imagine the gains you would make?"  Not sure why the combination of diet and exercise is so difficult for me.

So this is an open call for some suggestions.  I'm not looking for diet plans, or shakes or supplements.  I know exactly what I need to eat and what I need to stay away from to get me there. My goal is to lose 10-15 pounds of body fat.  Yes - I have that much to lose.  Yes - I know muscle weighs more than fat.  Yes I could be 15 pounds lighter and still have the muscle I have now.  No - I wouldn't be like 0% body fat (I would be much, much more).  Did I mention I'm a Vegan?  100% of the time minus when I'm eating ice cream or cookies.

I'm looking for strategies to help me do what I need to do.  I remember a few years ago there were cases of fudge bars in the office.  I swiftly sent out a mass email proclaiming I would pay anyone $50 who caught me eating a fudge bar.  Yes - there were times when I considered smuggling one into the bathroom and eating it, but i didn't.  Come to think of it - I should have accused whoever put those fudge bars in the freezer of harassment.  What's the statute of limitations on caloric harassment?

Burpees and Box Jumps and Squats, Oh my!

Mary and I have been walking/running about 4-5 days a week at 5am.  We started in August of 2012 and soldiered through the freezing cold winter and back through Spring and Summer.  I am not a runner – never have been.  But over the course of the year, I managed to get up to about 5 miles without stopping.  This was huge for me!  But it wasn’t enough.  Sure I could run, but my body was not really where I wanted it to be.   Mary and I had drinks with an old friend who told us about Crossfit.  We hadn’t seen her in several years and while she always had a thin build, we noticed that she was lean, tight and strong.  She started back in May and raved about the classes.  We both decided our “workouts” were getting pretty boring and we weren’t really seeing any significant results. 

So we agreed to give it a try.  We started August 26^th at 5am.  Why 5am?   That’s the only time during the day where I’m not working and anyone that needs me is still sleeping.   I recommend a time like that for everyone.  Makes excuses nearly impossible.  So our already lean, tight and strong friend met us there for our first workout.  She usually goes later in the day, but got up early to help shepherd us into this crazy, mystifying workout culture.   The WOD or “workout of the day” was thoughtfully written on a whiteboard in the front of the room.  The room, lovingly called “the box”,  is basically some warehouse space with gym equipment lining the 4 walls.  Lots of weight bars, kettle bells, medicine balls, jump ropes and bars to hang from.  While I don’t recall the exact WOD for my first day, it most likely consisted of some running, weight lifting and core work - all in about 45 minutes, with some optional floor work (core exercises) after that.  I was pretty much hooked from the beginning.  The time in class flew by and I didn’t feel intimidated by what others could do, or how fast or strong they were.  I knew I would improve each day. 

The box is my new sanctuary.  The coaches are fantastic and the people seem really nice.  The vibe seems a bit more mellow than some other local Crossfit gyms I’ve only heard about where competition seems paramount.  I love a good competition, but for right now, I’m just trying to get through these workouts, learn the proper form for some of these moves, and not throw up during class.  But don’t get me wrong – many of these people are fierce!  And I’m certain if they do compete, they do very well.  But I like that the coaches tailor their approach to what your goals are.  Like today, all I wanted to do was get through the workout.  No one was shouting at me with a stop watch telling me to hurry up.  All I got was encouragement from the coach, and others participating in the workout. 

So you’re probably wondering since I’ve been doing this for about a month now, how much weight have I lost.  Well, that’s the one thing about these workouts, and any strength training workouts that are worth a damn.  I’m not losing weight on the scale - YET.  I’m sure I could use some help with my diet, but being a vegan and working this hard has proven difficult.  But my body is totally changing.  I can see it already.  My first goal is to reduce the extra flab I’ve got between the armpit and my bra line a.k.a. bra fat.    I know once I get my diet squared away, some of the weight will start to come off.  I’m not seeing this as a temporary fix, I really do see myself doing this long term.  I’m up to 6 classes a week now, been doing that for about 2 weeks, and I plan to continue.  I can tell that I’m stronger already.  Adding weights to moves where just a few weeks ago, all I could lift was an empty bar.  This was just what I needed to get me to that next level of fitness.  And really, at my age – it’s more about health and less about a bikini bod.   The good news is, I know if I keep this up – the bikini bod will follow!  

I encourage my local friends to give it a try.  The first class is free, you can join for your first month for just $99 and that gives you unlimited number of classes per week.  Visit  www.crossfitkennettsquare.com for more details.   

Break out the Advil and join me – you won’t regret it! 

Vegan Slippage

Yikes – I went “Vegan” over 15 months ago.  No animal products.  No cheese, eggs, meat, milk.  Lost about 8 pounds in the first 3 months.  Kept it off for another 6 months.  All my health markers improved (Cholesterol, glucose, etc.)  Then I started eating fish and some dairy.  Then Thanksgiving and Christmas came.  Then I realized that French fries and bean burritos are vegan! Then cheer season arrived.  Weekend travel, budget hotels, and vendor food makes it impossible to eat healthy, let alone vegan.   All of a sudden I gained back the 8 and another 4.  I’m only 5’2” people.  That’s like 2 dress sizes.  My closet can’t handle all that.  Neither can my wallet.  Mind you, I’ve been walking/jogging 3-4x a week religiously since September.  I can only imagine what I would weigh if I hadn’t been exercising.

 

So here I am in the month of June switching gears yet again.  (I must have burned out a clutch or 2 by now)  Back to vegan.  Fruits, vegetables, beans, nuts and seeds.  I’ve been following this for about a week.  Aside from some birthday cake (for my daughter) and some sushi, I have not detoured.  I am not hungry, have no cravings, and am losing weight.  I’m only 7 pounds away from my lowest of 2012.  I’m still jogging/walking and I’m trying to fit in some weight training now that regular baseball season is over and cheer is slightly abbreviated this summer.  I had been previously swayed by the shakes and pills, but I firmly believe that real, whole foods are the best foods and I’m staying away from processed anything.  I’m feeling a little tired, probably because I’m off of my daily caffeine.  But no headaches and I’m sleeping really well.

 

I’m so glad that some of my favorite fruits are in season.   I hit Costco for mangos and peaches.  My breakfast secret is a cherry/banana drink.   I take 1 fresh banana and about 6 cherries and freeze them overnight.  Then add them to the blender with almond milk and some flax seed.  Watch out with the flax seed, though.  Add too much and you’ll end up with cherry/banana gelatin that is totally gross!  I also made a veggie stew in the crockpot that’s good for a meal each day.  Just lots of veggies – cabbage, carrots, onion, green pepper, celery, tomatoes in a vegetable broth with 2 cans of beans.  Third meal is a huge salad with mixed greens, green pepper, cucumber, sliced strawberries, avocado and crushed cashews.  No dressing required.  Snacks include an apple or orange and some cashew/pumpkin seed clusters.  It’s about 1200 calories per day.  Sometimes less because I’m truly not hungry.

 

So stick with me to see how this all works out.  I’m guessing if I keep this up I should reach my goal weight in about a month.  Not sure what happens then.  I want to continue to eat this way – I guess my body will decide to stop losing when it’s at its happy weight. 

Halfway there

I was supposed to peak at 40.

I was going to:
Weigh 120 lbs
Do a back walkover
Grow out my hair
Get promoted
Go on a girls’ trip
Teach ballet

I turn 40 tomorrow and here’s the deal:
I weigh 140 lbs
I can do a cartwheel and a round-off with straight legs and pointed feet
I have lots of muscles
I fit into all of my size 8’s and some of my size 6’s
I haven’t had a cigarette since 2009
I have long hair
I got a raise
I ate red meat maybe twice in the last year
I cut out all artificial sweeteners
I can surf
I have been walking/jogging 4x per week since September
I joined the Y and have been going
I take a ballet class 3x a month and smile the entire time I’m dancing
I sing loudly to the radio often
My family loves me more than anything
I get to go on dates with my husband often
I have a sincere affection for the people I work with
I have old and new friends that I love, trust and can depend on

I haven’t peaked
I’ve decided this is actually a good thing
Once you hit the peak, there’s nowhere to go but down
So I’ve decided to peak at 80
I’m only halfway there! I’ve got lots of improving to do


Do I wish I weighed less, was prettier, had a flatter stomach, and looked better in skinny jeans?
Of course I do!
Do I wish I had more friends, more love, more money, and more fun? Absolutely!
Do I wish I had no regrets, no grudges, no vices, and no skeletons? Sure.
Do I wish I had more willpower, more energy, more flexibility, and more courage? You bet I do!
But that wouldn’t be my life.

I need to sit back and appreciate all that I am and all that I have TODAY. I have my health, my family, my friends, my job and lots of other things in my life that I love. And hopefully, I’ll have 40 MORE years to work toward my goals, or BETTER YET, I’ll discover different goals and strive to reach them instead!

Happy Birthday to ME!

Another near miss and my nerves are shot

I wrote this back in November, but never posted.  It's a bit dated, but pretty important to me:

So if any of you have been following this blog since the beginning, you will remember a little post I did a few years back about a health scare I had on my 37th birthday regarding an abnormal brain MRI.   Everything turned out to be fine, but it was certainly a scary few days.

Here is my breast cancer scare post:

Mid September I found a lump.  I had one back in 1998.  Left breast.  Had it removed it was nothing.  No mammogram, no ultrasound, no waiting around for results, etc. 18 months ago I was getting painful lumps under my left arm. They came and went each month.  I got them checked out.  Mammogram and ultrasound found nothing.  Surgeon was sure they were nothing and said if they get worse to let her know.  They went away several months later and never came back,  So this new lump, whom I've named Floyd, made himself apparent to me once day while I was stretching out my chest muscle after a workout.  A very small nodule the size of a peanut M&M.  I didn't really think anything of it.  I had my husband feel it, just to see if he could.   I decided to have it checked out by my primary physician.  I was really expecting the same sort of scenario as 1998 or 2011.  Either it was nothing or I know exactly what it is - it's benign and let 's just take it out.  So when I spent 3+ hours having a mammogram and ultrasound, getting called back and forth from the exam room to the waiting room, I had a bad feeling.  The radiologist confirmed that it was solid and would need to be biopsied.  The time span between the first doctor's appointment and my biopsy was just 5 days.  The sense of urgency from everyone was concerning.  So was the fact that unlike my previous encounters with lumps, no one was saying, "I really think this is nothing."  And to make matters worse, I got a hold of my radiology report.  While it's great to have all this information, it's best not to get a hold of your radiology report until AFTER you have biopsy results.  I googled every word on that report and every numerical classification and STRESSED over every word.  The 7 day period of time between the biopsy and my "results" appointment is just inhumane.  Insomnia, irritability, diarrhea - you name it.  It was a terrible week.  Nothing compared to what a woman facing breast cancer has to endure, but crappy nonetheless.

My breast biopsy results were negative and I have a benign breast mass.  I had surgery mid-November to have the whole  lump removed, and then some.  Now the bills are streaming in.  My insurance SUCKS.  While I was due for a mammogram last April and didn't get one, the one I got last month was not considered preventive since there was a lump, and therefore not covered - all because of one stupid diagnosis code.  Ridiculous!   I am so lucky that at least I can afford all this garbage.  I can't imagine what people go through that don't have the means, or who end up being truly sick.  I want to shout out to a colleague of mine at work who is a 9-year breast cancer survivor.  I reached out to her earlier this week when I was convinced I had cancer.  She was so gracious and giving of her experience and information.  She calmed me down and was honest with me about her experience.  She offered me her contact info to call her at ANY time and gave me the names of her awesome doctors.  She checked up on me even while away on business. I can't thank her enough, and I only hope that she had an equally generous mentor to go to when she was waiting for her results.  Everyone should be so lucky to have her on their side.  Thank you Sheila!

So despite some funky scar tissue, I'm totally fine.  Things could have been so much worse, and I am thankful this was all just nothing.  I doubt any future mammograms will be uneventful, and I'm sure I'll always panic each year at the dr's office.  But I'm riding the wave for now and enjoying my health.

A Day in the Life . . .

So here’s what I’m eating.

BREAKFAST
¼ C Fiber One Cereal
1T whole oats
1T flax seed meal
½ C Almond Milk
½ banana - sliced
2 lg strawberries - sliced
2 whole walnuts - crushed

This breakfast is a constant. You can add some variety each day with different fruits, but this is a really great meal and shouldn’t be messed with. Breakfast should be filling. Don’t be afraid to add more of anything above if you’re not feeling satisfied. The flax seed takes a little getting used to, but if you get the ground meal variety, it’s almost like a powder and adds a little nutty flavor to your cereal. It’s important to include flax seed to ensure you’re getting good omega-3 fatty acids and plenty of fiber. Don’t fear the fiber. A few days on this breakfast and you will be able to set your watch to your “regularity” if you know what I mean. Don’t be afraid to pile on the fruit, too. This meal should come in around 350-400 calories and give you enough energy to start the day.

LUNCH
Whole wheat tortilla
2C salad greens
1T vinaigrette dressing or hummus or avocado slices
¼ C Black beans
¼ C peas
¼ C sunflower seeds
Any other veggies/beans of your choice – tomatoes, cucumbers
A piece of fruit – apple, orange, nectarine, kiwi, etc.

Beware of the tortilla. Some wraps can be 350 calories!! Try to stick with wraps that are no more than 150 calories. You’ll want to spend the other 250 calories of this meal dressing up the tortilla. I have access to a great salad bar for lunch during the week, so I can choose a variety of greens and veggies to go into my lunch wrap. The key to the wrap tasting good is the dressing/hummus/avocado that goes into it. These are all healthy oils/fats and should taste good to you. I am obsessed with black bean hummus, and will use that as a condiment any chance I get. You won’t miss the mayo, I promise! Just stay away from any “creamy” dressings as they most likely contain dairy. When I get back to my desk, I lay out the tortilla, put everything out on top, and just wrap it up. Some days, the cafeteria will offer a stir fry-type meal, I will sometimes opt for that instead of a salad with veggies, tofu and brown rice.

For those of you on the go (and who live on the east coast) – Wawa now makes veggie subs to order. I go with the whole wheat shorti with avocado spread, cucumbers, spinach, tomato and onions – no cheese. They also have a decent pre-made roasted red pepper hummus with pita slices that comes in around 300 calories that makes for a decent lunch alongside a piece of fruit if you’re in a pinch.

DINNER
Pre-made 6” pizza crust
1 small squash / sliced
¼ C sliced mushrooms
Any other veggies/beans of your choice – tomatoes, cucumbers

This is my vegan pizza dinner. Add to this whatever you like. I’ll add sliced tofu, maybe substitute hummus for pasta sauce. You can also add a soy-based cheese product if you need to have a pizza with “cheese”, but I’ve found that it doesn’t add much to the flavor and it’s not worth the calories. Plus it’s got to be processed, and I try to limit the amount of processed foods I eat. And since I don’t make my own bread, nor do I intent do, breads, wraps and pizza crusts are the bulk of my processed foods.

SNACKS
3C air popped popcorn
apple
¼ C almonds
Unlimited amts of plain vegetables

Snacks are a must. I have a snack in between meals and one after dinner. I try to limit my snack calories to about 300-400 per day. The popcorn is great. This is usually my post-dinner snack. You can really feel like you’re stuffing your face and it’s only about 100 calories. And 3 C popped is a huge bowl. Kirkland (Costco) makes these cashew clusters with almonds and pumpkin seeds that are divine. Sweet and savory at about 150 calories per serving – tastes like a treat! I also like Planter’s Energy Mix packets that have sesame sticks and nuts for about 130 calories per serving – again very “treat”- like.

So if I follow this plan above perfectly, I’m eating around 1200 calories in a day. And I will lose weight – even if I’m not exercising. But let’s be honest – I don’t follow this perfectly every day. I’m human, I have kids and a husband who don’t follow this way of eating and I slip constantly. I’ll have a taste of that cupcake, or a bite of pizza. It happens. There are days when I workout and really need more calories, so I’ll listen to my body and adjust accordingly. But if I at least PLAN to eat well each day, and I get some exercise, and I follow this MOST OF THE TIME – I’m good. Bottom line is, I’ve cut animal products from my diet and I’m maintaining my health – and all the numbers prove it!

Next post . . .Grocery store shopping and eating out.

This way to Veganville

Clearly some time has passed since my last entry. I'd like to share my journey following a vegan diet and the foibles and follies that have ensued since the New Year.

It all started in the beginning of January. While traveling for work, I met up with a friend who was telling me about this documentary about animal products and how bad they are for us. This, over a dinner in a Chicago steakhouse!! We shared oysters, a salad and plenty of wine. (Thank God wine is vegan!) I decided to cheek out the film and see for myself what all the fuss was about. In the meantime, I tried to go the next few days without eating any animal products. The meat part is really obvious and easy - no chicken, no burgers, no steak. The hard part is detecting the dairy and egg since it's in almost everything we eat. That's what separates the vegans from the vegetarians. Vegans don't eat ANYTHING that comes from an animal. If you subscribe to the idea that animal proteins are no good for you, then you have to also eliminate milk, yogurts, cheese and eggs from your diet.  Many vegetarians do eat dairy and eggs, and I've found that most "vegetarian" dishes contain these ingredients. So, I watched the documentary "Forks over Knives" and then watched a few more including "Earthlings" and "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead". They all presented compelling cases to suggest that eating animal products and processed foods are bad for you, and bad for the planet, too. I was game.

Instead of trying to fit all this into 1 entry, I will try to post several times each week to get you all up to speed on how it's been going, what I'm eating, what recipes I love, and what I'm ordering at restaurants. I'm putting more effort that I have in a long time to keep my fitness and weight loss goals on track. Bottom line is this: I've been maintaining a vegan diet about 95% of the time. I say 95% because there have been some slices of pizza in a pinch, shellfish at restaurants when another salad just won't do, and the random ice cream cone here and there - I do have kids and it's not like it's against my religion or anything. I have not had ANY meat since January (minus the Wawa Italian shorti I had back in late Jan - a weak moment). I have managed to lose about 10 pounds with limited exercise - which I need to start getting into) and I'm proud to say I've been rockin' a bikini at the pool and looking pretty good. I'm down to a size 4 and am just about 13 pounds away from my former ballerina body!! I have lowered my cholesterol by 40 "points". I know they aren't' points, but I have no idea what the unit of measure is for that. I'm sure one of you smart readers will be more than happy to inform me what the proper unit is. My LDL is down and my HDL is up - or whichever is bad is down, and the other one that is good is up - again, smart people, feel free to chime in here - I'm all for an education.  I have gotten my bloodwork checked out by my physician and so far I'm not nutrient deficient and I'm not starving myself. I have lots of energy and despite my recent funk, I did not get my typical January funk that, if you've been reading long enough, you know puts a handful of pounds back on me each winter. So all is good and I hope that blogging a bit more about how I've done all this will keep me motivated to increase my activity level and continue with this lifestyle I have found that really works for me.

Next post - A typical day eating like a Vegan. . .

Do you see what I see?

I'm happy to report that all my worries about my surgery are gone and things are looking up! Everything is healing perfectly and I am starting to feel human again. All it took was a little time and patience. Here's the overarching lesson in all of this. Don't be nonchalant about surgery. MAKE SURE YOUR DOCTOR GIVES YOU A RANGE OF EXPECTATIONS. A little more prodding on my part with my doctor would have made this past 9 days so much more enjoyable.

I swear I asked him how I would feel and if I would see double after surgery and he told me I would be just fine. His "just fine" meant that the first 7 days would suck and in about 10 days I would be fine. I took it to mean that I will be fine right after surgery. That's the expectation I had when I was sent home with the orders of "take tylenol for discomfort." I didn't realize that my eye would ache some 5 days post-op and would require major narcotics and muscle relaxers to ease the pain. I didn't realize that my double vision would make it hard to drive and nearly impossible to shop (just a few days before Christmas). I also didn't realize that the "shiner" I would develop per my Doc was more like a rainbow of colors on the normally white parts of my eye than a typical black eye we all think of when the term shiner is used.

It's all good. I just have to apologize to my husband and kids for being a total lump on Christmas day trying not to puke from the Vicodin, and more to my husband for not picking up any last minute gifts for him to open Christmas morning. I have to thank my husband for doing basically everything around the house for the past week - all with a smile on his face.

So I got my New Year wish of single vision - now I need to shop!

The Eye Thing

So here's the lowdown on my eye surgery:

Over the past several years, I have noticed in pictures that my head is always slightly tilted to the right. Figuring it was just all my training in school pictures to cock your head to one side, I didn't think much of it at first. I also noticed that when I lay down in bed to watch TV and was on my left side, I would see double. I could lay on my right side and see the TV just fine. Do you ever stare at something and close one eye, then close the other eye and see how the image you're looking at jumps? I do that all the time, and thought it was a perfectly normal phenomenon. Turns out it is in some cases, but not to the severity that I experience it. It only took me about 5 years of mentioning this to my OD at Simon eye that she mentioned I have a mild case of 4th nerve palsy. My eye surgeon calls it something else. Not technically "palsy" but some mild weakness. Chances are I've had this most of the life, but because it is so minor, it's never been very apparent. To the untrained eye, you would never think anything was wrong with my eyes, besides that fact they are freakishly large and bit buggy. They don't noticeably cross, and my slight eye droop is just that - slight. But upon recent examination from my primary care doc, my eye surgeon, my plastic surgeon, and another ocular plastic surgeon, seems like everything is related to this 4th nerve thing.

I'll break it down for you. When my head is perfectly straight, I see double. I have to tilt my head just a tad to the right in order to have single vision. The head tilt over time has caused my eyelid droop and some whacked out muscle development in my neck where one side is pliable and stretched and the other side is really tight and always aches. While my surgeon initially (last year) didn't recommend surgery because my impairment was so minor, I convinced him to do it this year as my neck pain has been getting worse and I'm tired of tilting my head. I also don't want to be 80 with my ear to my shoulder if I can help it.

So this morning I went under general anesthesia and my Dr. performed the recession of my left oblique inferior muscle in my left eye. Besides looking and feeling like I got popped in the eye, recovery has been going well. Oh except for when I asked for some anti-nausea meds and the nurse spilled it all over my hand instead of getting it in my IV. Oh well, luckily I had some pills at home that I took while kneeling over the toilet almost puking! Throwing up is the worst. I did manage to sleep most of the day and kept everything "down."

Not sure if the operation was a success or not. My double vision is worse than it was before surgery, and in order to see single vision I now have to tilt my head to the left - almost at a 45 degree angle or just close one eye. I chose the closing of one eye to pound out this entry. I can't remember if results are supposed to be immediate or not, so I'll be calling the Dr. tomorrow to see. If a revision needs to be made, I need to go back under the knife before Jan 1 when my new crappy insurance kicks in.

My surgeon warned me that an overcorrection is certainly possible, so I don't blame him at all for this. He is great - and I know he'll do whatever it takes to get me the best results possible.

So my new Santa wish is no double vision in 2012 - unless of course it's martini-induced!

Categorically, things I’m thankful for . . .

WORK
1. My printer is just steps away from my desk.
2. My walk from the parking lot to my building is covered.
3. Lives are not hanging in the balance based on the actions I take.
4. My work/life balance rocks.
5. I get to travel.

FAMILY
1. Everyone is healthy.
2. We all (4) live in the same house every day.
3. My kids are smart and kind, so is my husband.
4. We get to eat dinner together a few times every week.
5. I can hear giggles and horseplay on a Saturday mornings before the grown-ups have gotten out of bed.

ME, ME, ME
1. I have true friends.
2. My hair is versatile.
3. I have big eyes with great lashes.
4. I am sincerely generous.
5. I have a great sense of humor – Lord knows it’s required!

Cowabunga

I took a private surfing lesson on a Sunday in early October. It was an impulse decision upon my return from my 2nd LA trip in couple of weeks. On that last trip, I spent one morning/early afternoon on a quick tour of LA's beaches. Manhattan Beach, Hermosa Beach, Redondo Beach, Palos Verdes. What I wanted to do was languish in the sand, close my eyes and relax. What I did instead was drive along the coast, and stop in a few places to get a better look at the scene and take a few pictures. I lingered on a pier and watched some surfers. I don't think I've ever actually watched anyone surf up close like that before.

When I lived at the beach the summer I was 18, I never really hung out with anyone that surfed. All my friends either played beach volleyball or partied. I did plenty of both that summer. I had never been exposed to the art of surfing. I guess if I had, I probably would have tried it before. For some reason, my LA experience inspired me to give it a try. The only water sport I'd attempted before was water skiing. And besides feeling like I'd received a super sonic salt water douche, I wouldn't characterize my experience as actually skiing. More like being dragged from a boat with a rope.

Once I booked my lesson, I tried, although not very hard, to get someone to come with me, just to capture the experience on film. My son had baseball practice that afternoon, and since the beach was close to 2 hours away, it didn't seem feasible to drag the family along with me. Then I started to worry about how awful I would probably be on the surf board, or how I hate the way I look with wet hair, or it's October and I have no tan - so why would I want any photos taken during my lesson? So I was resigned to the fact I would do this alone. I don't need any more emabarassing facebook photos out there.

Turns out I was so wrong about not trying harder to find me a photographer to tag along. Turns out - I'm actually pretty good on a surfboard!

Upon meeting my 23 year old, tow-head instructor, Seth, I was thinking to myself, "What the heck have I gotten myself into?" We had to drive about 10 minutes to get to the location, and he continued to warn me that I shouldn't get discouraged if I can't get up on the board, and people sometimes need 2 or 3 lessons before they feel comfortable, etc. When we finally arrived, I stripped off my sweats to reveal my pink polka dot bottoms and my borrowed long-sleeved rash guard top. I slipped my flip flops off and decided to leave my towel and my bag with sunglasses, a comb and a ball cap in the van. I wasn't going to be some high-maintenance housewife client. I was trying to get into character. We shared the load of the 9" long board and hiked about 1/4 mile to the surf.

As we headed into the water, I could tell Seth thought he was in for a rough hour. Poor kid. I would have to give him a huge tip for making him freeze in the water trying to help me check off surfing from my bucket list.

Long story short, I got up on the board my first try. Seth told me that he has never had anyone get up on their first try, beside some freakishly athletic 6 year old he taught a few years ago. Certainly never any adults. I'm convinced that my years of ballet has given me some mad balancing skills. I spent the hour catching and riding a bunch of waves. I only fell off twice. I learned that you are not supposed to carry your board over your head when trying to get out past the waves. I also learned that you have to protect your face when you fall, just in case your board flips up on you. I truly never thought I would be able to do this, and I can't wait to try again.

Before I left for my lesson I assured my husband that, "It's not like I'm going to buy a surfboard and start a new hobby. I just want to see if I can do it." Now, I'm pretty sure I'm going to buy a surfboard, and I know I will be surfing again next Spring. I'm even trying to figure out where I can go to get in some surfing before then. I can't wait to have someone document my next outing. Hopefully I'll be tan and have hair that looks cute when it's wet by then.