Halfway there

I was supposed to peak at 40.

I was going to:
Weigh 120 lbs
Do a back walkover
Grow out my hair
Get promoted
Go on a girls’ trip
Teach ballet

I turn 40 tomorrow and here’s the deal:
I weigh 140 lbs
I can do a cartwheel and a round-off with straight legs and pointed feet
I have lots of muscles
I fit into all of my size 8’s and some of my size 6’s
I haven’t had a cigarette since 2009
I have long hair
I got a raise
I ate red meat maybe twice in the last year
I cut out all artificial sweeteners
I can surf
I have been walking/jogging 4x per week since September
I joined the Y and have been going
I take a ballet class 3x a month and smile the entire time I’m dancing
I sing loudly to the radio often
My family loves me more than anything
I get to go on dates with my husband often
I have a sincere affection for the people I work with
I have old and new friends that I love, trust and can depend on

I haven’t peaked
I’ve decided this is actually a good thing
Once you hit the peak, there’s nowhere to go but down
So I’ve decided to peak at 80
I’m only halfway there! I’ve got lots of improving to do


Do I wish I weighed less, was prettier, had a flatter stomach, and looked better in skinny jeans?
Of course I do!
Do I wish I had more friends, more love, more money, and more fun? Absolutely!
Do I wish I had no regrets, no grudges, no vices, and no skeletons? Sure.
Do I wish I had more willpower, more energy, more flexibility, and more courage? You bet I do!
But that wouldn’t be my life.

I need to sit back and appreciate all that I am and all that I have TODAY. I have my health, my family, my friends, my job and lots of other things in my life that I love. And hopefully, I’ll have 40 MORE years to work toward my goals, or BETTER YET, I’ll discover different goals and strive to reach them instead!

Happy Birthday to ME!

Another near miss and my nerves are shot

I wrote this back in November, but never posted.  It's a bit dated, but pretty important to me:

So if any of you have been following this blog since the beginning, you will remember a little post I did a few years back about a health scare I had on my 37th birthday regarding an abnormal brain MRI.   Everything turned out to be fine, but it was certainly a scary few days.

Here is my breast cancer scare post:

Mid September I found a lump.  I had one back in 1998.  Left breast.  Had it removed it was nothing.  No mammogram, no ultrasound, no waiting around for results, etc. 18 months ago I was getting painful lumps under my left arm. They came and went each month.  I got them checked out.  Mammogram and ultrasound found nothing.  Surgeon was sure they were nothing and said if they get worse to let her know.  They went away several months later and never came back,  So this new lump, whom I've named Floyd, made himself apparent to me once day while I was stretching out my chest muscle after a workout.  A very small nodule the size of a peanut M&M.  I didn't really think anything of it.  I had my husband feel it, just to see if he could.   I decided to have it checked out by my primary physician.  I was really expecting the same sort of scenario as 1998 or 2011.  Either it was nothing or I know exactly what it is - it's benign and let 's just take it out.  So when I spent 3+ hours having a mammogram and ultrasound, getting called back and forth from the exam room to the waiting room, I had a bad feeling.  The radiologist confirmed that it was solid and would need to be biopsied.  The time span between the first doctor's appointment and my biopsy was just 5 days.  The sense of urgency from everyone was concerning.  So was the fact that unlike my previous encounters with lumps, no one was saying, "I really think this is nothing."  And to make matters worse, I got a hold of my radiology report.  While it's great to have all this information, it's best not to get a hold of your radiology report until AFTER you have biopsy results.  I googled every word on that report and every numerical classification and STRESSED over every word.  The 7 day period of time between the biopsy and my "results" appointment is just inhumane.  Insomnia, irritability, diarrhea - you name it.  It was a terrible week.  Nothing compared to what a woman facing breast cancer has to endure, but crappy nonetheless.

My breast biopsy results were negative and I have a benign breast mass.  I had surgery mid-November to have the whole  lump removed, and then some.  Now the bills are streaming in.  My insurance SUCKS.  While I was due for a mammogram last April and didn't get one, the one I got last month was not considered preventive since there was a lump, and therefore not covered - all because of one stupid diagnosis code.  Ridiculous!   I am so lucky that at least I can afford all this garbage.  I can't imagine what people go through that don't have the means, or who end up being truly sick.  I want to shout out to a colleague of mine at work who is a 9-year breast cancer survivor.  I reached out to her earlier this week when I was convinced I had cancer.  She was so gracious and giving of her experience and information.  She calmed me down and was honest with me about her experience.  She offered me her contact info to call her at ANY time and gave me the names of her awesome doctors.  She checked up on me even while away on business. I can't thank her enough, and I only hope that she had an equally generous mentor to go to when she was waiting for her results.  Everyone should be so lucky to have her on their side.  Thank you Sheila!

So despite some funky scar tissue, I'm totally fine.  Things could have been so much worse, and I am thankful this was all just nothing.  I doubt any future mammograms will be uneventful, and I'm sure I'll always panic each year at the dr's office.  But I'm riding the wave for now and enjoying my health.

A Day in the Life . . .

So here’s what I’m eating.

BREAKFAST
¼ C Fiber One Cereal
1T whole oats
1T flax seed meal
½ C Almond Milk
½ banana - sliced
2 lg strawberries - sliced
2 whole walnuts - crushed

This breakfast is a constant. You can add some variety each day with different fruits, but this is a really great meal and shouldn’t be messed with. Breakfast should be filling. Don’t be afraid to add more of anything above if you’re not feeling satisfied. The flax seed takes a little getting used to, but if you get the ground meal variety, it’s almost like a powder and adds a little nutty flavor to your cereal. It’s important to include flax seed to ensure you’re getting good omega-3 fatty acids and plenty of fiber. Don’t fear the fiber. A few days on this breakfast and you will be able to set your watch to your “regularity” if you know what I mean. Don’t be afraid to pile on the fruit, too. This meal should come in around 350-400 calories and give you enough energy to start the day.

LUNCH
Whole wheat tortilla
2C salad greens
1T vinaigrette dressing or hummus or avocado slices
¼ C Black beans
¼ C peas
¼ C sunflower seeds
Any other veggies/beans of your choice – tomatoes, cucumbers
A piece of fruit – apple, orange, nectarine, kiwi, etc.

Beware of the tortilla. Some wraps can be 350 calories!! Try to stick with wraps that are no more than 150 calories. You’ll want to spend the other 250 calories of this meal dressing up the tortilla. I have access to a great salad bar for lunch during the week, so I can choose a variety of greens and veggies to go into my lunch wrap. The key to the wrap tasting good is the dressing/hummus/avocado that goes into it. These are all healthy oils/fats and should taste good to you. I am obsessed with black bean hummus, and will use that as a condiment any chance I get. You won’t miss the mayo, I promise! Just stay away from any “creamy” dressings as they most likely contain dairy. When I get back to my desk, I lay out the tortilla, put everything out on top, and just wrap it up. Some days, the cafeteria will offer a stir fry-type meal, I will sometimes opt for that instead of a salad with veggies, tofu and brown rice.

For those of you on the go (and who live on the east coast) – Wawa now makes veggie subs to order. I go with the whole wheat shorti with avocado spread, cucumbers, spinach, tomato and onions – no cheese. They also have a decent pre-made roasted red pepper hummus with pita slices that comes in around 300 calories that makes for a decent lunch alongside a piece of fruit if you’re in a pinch.

DINNER
Pre-made 6” pizza crust
1 small squash / sliced
¼ C sliced mushrooms
Any other veggies/beans of your choice – tomatoes, cucumbers

This is my vegan pizza dinner. Add to this whatever you like. I’ll add sliced tofu, maybe substitute hummus for pasta sauce. You can also add a soy-based cheese product if you need to have a pizza with “cheese”, but I’ve found that it doesn’t add much to the flavor and it’s not worth the calories. Plus it’s got to be processed, and I try to limit the amount of processed foods I eat. And since I don’t make my own bread, nor do I intent do, breads, wraps and pizza crusts are the bulk of my processed foods.

SNACKS
3C air popped popcorn
apple
¼ C almonds
Unlimited amts of plain vegetables

Snacks are a must. I have a snack in between meals and one after dinner. I try to limit my snack calories to about 300-400 per day. The popcorn is great. This is usually my post-dinner snack. You can really feel like you’re stuffing your face and it’s only about 100 calories. And 3 C popped is a huge bowl. Kirkland (Costco) makes these cashew clusters with almonds and pumpkin seeds that are divine. Sweet and savory at about 150 calories per serving – tastes like a treat! I also like Planter’s Energy Mix packets that have sesame sticks and nuts for about 130 calories per serving – again very “treat”- like.

So if I follow this plan above perfectly, I’m eating around 1200 calories in a day. And I will lose weight – even if I’m not exercising. But let’s be honest – I don’t follow this perfectly every day. I’m human, I have kids and a husband who don’t follow this way of eating and I slip constantly. I’ll have a taste of that cupcake, or a bite of pizza. It happens. There are days when I workout and really need more calories, so I’ll listen to my body and adjust accordingly. But if I at least PLAN to eat well each day, and I get some exercise, and I follow this MOST OF THE TIME – I’m good. Bottom line is, I’ve cut animal products from my diet and I’m maintaining my health – and all the numbers prove it!

Next post . . .Grocery store shopping and eating out.

This way to Veganville

Clearly some time has passed since my last entry. I'd like to share my journey following a vegan diet and the foibles and follies that have ensued since the New Year.

It all started in the beginning of January. While traveling for work, I met up with a friend who was telling me about this documentary about animal products and how bad they are for us. This, over a dinner in a Chicago steakhouse!! We shared oysters, a salad and plenty of wine. (Thank God wine is vegan!) I decided to cheek out the film and see for myself what all the fuss was about. In the meantime, I tried to go the next few days without eating any animal products. The meat part is really obvious and easy - no chicken, no burgers, no steak. The hard part is detecting the dairy and egg since it's in almost everything we eat. That's what separates the vegans from the vegetarians. Vegans don't eat ANYTHING that comes from an animal. If you subscribe to the idea that animal proteins are no good for you, then you have to also eliminate milk, yogurts, cheese and eggs from your diet.  Many vegetarians do eat dairy and eggs, and I've found that most "vegetarian" dishes contain these ingredients. So, I watched the documentary "Forks over Knives" and then watched a few more including "Earthlings" and "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead". They all presented compelling cases to suggest that eating animal products and processed foods are bad for you, and bad for the planet, too. I was game.

Instead of trying to fit all this into 1 entry, I will try to post several times each week to get you all up to speed on how it's been going, what I'm eating, what recipes I love, and what I'm ordering at restaurants. I'm putting more effort that I have in a long time to keep my fitness and weight loss goals on track. Bottom line is this: I've been maintaining a vegan diet about 95% of the time. I say 95% because there have been some slices of pizza in a pinch, shellfish at restaurants when another salad just won't do, and the random ice cream cone here and there - I do have kids and it's not like it's against my religion or anything. I have not had ANY meat since January (minus the Wawa Italian shorti I had back in late Jan - a weak moment). I have managed to lose about 10 pounds with limited exercise - which I need to start getting into) and I'm proud to say I've been rockin' a bikini at the pool and looking pretty good. I'm down to a size 4 and am just about 13 pounds away from my former ballerina body!! I have lowered my cholesterol by 40 "points". I know they aren't' points, but I have no idea what the unit of measure is for that. I'm sure one of you smart readers will be more than happy to inform me what the proper unit is. My LDL is down and my HDL is up - or whichever is bad is down, and the other one that is good is up - again, smart people, feel free to chime in here - I'm all for an education.  I have gotten my bloodwork checked out by my physician and so far I'm not nutrient deficient and I'm not starving myself. I have lots of energy and despite my recent funk, I did not get my typical January funk that, if you've been reading long enough, you know puts a handful of pounds back on me each winter. So all is good and I hope that blogging a bit more about how I've done all this will keep me motivated to increase my activity level and continue with this lifestyle I have found that really works for me.

Next post - A typical day eating like a Vegan. . .

Do you see what I see?

I'm happy to report that all my worries about my surgery are gone and things are looking up! Everything is healing perfectly and I am starting to feel human again. All it took was a little time and patience. Here's the overarching lesson in all of this. Don't be nonchalant about surgery. MAKE SURE YOUR DOCTOR GIVES YOU A RANGE OF EXPECTATIONS. A little more prodding on my part with my doctor would have made this past 9 days so much more enjoyable.

I swear I asked him how I would feel and if I would see double after surgery and he told me I would be just fine. His "just fine" meant that the first 7 days would suck and in about 10 days I would be fine. I took it to mean that I will be fine right after surgery. That's the expectation I had when I was sent home with the orders of "take tylenol for discomfort." I didn't realize that my eye would ache some 5 days post-op and would require major narcotics and muscle relaxers to ease the pain. I didn't realize that my double vision would make it hard to drive and nearly impossible to shop (just a few days before Christmas). I also didn't realize that the "shiner" I would develop per my Doc was more like a rainbow of colors on the normally white parts of my eye than a typical black eye we all think of when the term shiner is used.

It's all good. I just have to apologize to my husband and kids for being a total lump on Christmas day trying not to puke from the Vicodin, and more to my husband for not picking up any last minute gifts for him to open Christmas morning. I have to thank my husband for doing basically everything around the house for the past week - all with a smile on his face.

So I got my New Year wish of single vision - now I need to shop!

The Eye Thing

So here's the lowdown on my eye surgery:

Over the past several years, I have noticed in pictures that my head is always slightly tilted to the right. Figuring it was just all my training in school pictures to cock your head to one side, I didn't think much of it at first. I also noticed that when I lay down in bed to watch TV and was on my left side, I would see double. I could lay on my right side and see the TV just fine. Do you ever stare at something and close one eye, then close the other eye and see how the image you're looking at jumps? I do that all the time, and thought it was a perfectly normal phenomenon. Turns out it is in some cases, but not to the severity that I experience it. It only took me about 5 years of mentioning this to my OD at Simon eye that she mentioned I have a mild case of 4th nerve palsy. My eye surgeon calls it something else. Not technically "palsy" but some mild weakness. Chances are I've had this most of the life, but because it is so minor, it's never been very apparent. To the untrained eye, you would never think anything was wrong with my eyes, besides that fact they are freakishly large and bit buggy. They don't noticeably cross, and my slight eye droop is just that - slight. But upon recent examination from my primary care doc, my eye surgeon, my plastic surgeon, and another ocular plastic surgeon, seems like everything is related to this 4th nerve thing.

I'll break it down for you. When my head is perfectly straight, I see double. I have to tilt my head just a tad to the right in order to have single vision. The head tilt over time has caused my eyelid droop and some whacked out muscle development in my neck where one side is pliable and stretched and the other side is really tight and always aches. While my surgeon initially (last year) didn't recommend surgery because my impairment was so minor, I convinced him to do it this year as my neck pain has been getting worse and I'm tired of tilting my head. I also don't want to be 80 with my ear to my shoulder if I can help it.

So this morning I went under general anesthesia and my Dr. performed the recession of my left oblique inferior muscle in my left eye. Besides looking and feeling like I got popped in the eye, recovery has been going well. Oh except for when I asked for some anti-nausea meds and the nurse spilled it all over my hand instead of getting it in my IV. Oh well, luckily I had some pills at home that I took while kneeling over the toilet almost puking! Throwing up is the worst. I did manage to sleep most of the day and kept everything "down."

Not sure if the operation was a success or not. My double vision is worse than it was before surgery, and in order to see single vision I now have to tilt my head to the left - almost at a 45 degree angle or just close one eye. I chose the closing of one eye to pound out this entry. I can't remember if results are supposed to be immediate or not, so I'll be calling the Dr. tomorrow to see. If a revision needs to be made, I need to go back under the knife before Jan 1 when my new crappy insurance kicks in.

My surgeon warned me that an overcorrection is certainly possible, so I don't blame him at all for this. He is great - and I know he'll do whatever it takes to get me the best results possible.

So my new Santa wish is no double vision in 2012 - unless of course it's martini-induced!

Categorically, things I’m thankful for . . .

WORK
1. My printer is just steps away from my desk.
2. My walk from the parking lot to my building is covered.
3. Lives are not hanging in the balance based on the actions I take.
4. My work/life balance rocks.
5. I get to travel.

FAMILY
1. Everyone is healthy.
2. We all (4) live in the same house every day.
3. My kids are smart and kind, so is my husband.
4. We get to eat dinner together a few times every week.
5. I can hear giggles and horseplay on a Saturday mornings before the grown-ups have gotten out of bed.

ME, ME, ME
1. I have true friends.
2. My hair is versatile.
3. I have big eyes with great lashes.
4. I am sincerely generous.
5. I have a great sense of humor – Lord knows it’s required!